mothers day
in the moments I miss my mother,
I realize I’m missing something and someone that doesn’t exist
& it’s strange, grieving someone still alive.
strange how my heart keeps building altars
for someone who never cared to stay long enough to become sacred.
it’s in these moments I realize I’ve made a matriarch of the moon-
another distant body
beautiful, incapable of being held
but also, incapable of holding me.
who am I without her?
who have I become?
some days it’s so clear
while other days I can’t believe people look at me and think of love.
because of who my mother never was & never encouraged me to be,
I became this person in front of you
actively failing and succeeding
on a rollercoaster of worth and value
grateful to just be.